We asked a group of seniors and faculty where to take your date on Valentine’s Day. Put down “The Odyssey,” and find you Penelope.

Q. What are the best coffee (first) date, dinner date, and activity date in Hillsdale?

If You really want to impress her, take her to the bowling alley. She won’t expect that at all, shock her! Then she’ll be impressed by your creativity, and courage. It is so important that you do not take her to SAGA, that should be a given but it’s not, you’re welcome boys. – Senior Lulu Celecia

For the first coffee date I would definitely recommend Rough Draft. That way, all the poor souls in there who are studying can watch your date and feel bad about themselves because not only are they stuck reading, but they also don’t have dates. For an activity date I think going to the Silos Fun Park is a solid choice. Sooner or later you need to determine whether or not this boy you like is a serial killer. If you make it home alive from this date, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. For dinner, PLEASE go on a picnic in the arb. The benefit here is more opportunities to show the single pringles out there just how single they are. Additionally, you get to have a touching full circle moment later in the month when he proposes in the gazebo (ring after three dates or something). – Senior Anna Heldt

The best first coffee date is Jilly Beans. I know, I know. Rough Draft is better in pretty much every category, but that’s exactly why you go to Jilly Beans. Avoid the crowds. It’s impossible to have a private conversation at Rough Draft.
For dinner, Hunt Club. Ed Sheeran is wrong. The club is the best place to find love.
Also, if you don’t go for coffee or dinner, cinnamon rolls at Local Eatery are your best bet.
This is a little bit unconventional but I think it would fly: disc golf at Baw Beese is way too underused in general by Hillsdale students. If nothing else, it’s free. – Senior Jake Hamilton

I think the best spot for a first date in Hillsdale is Toasted Mud — it’s the spot my girlfriend and I went on our first date. You go there and select a piece of pottery to paint; I suggest painting something with your date. If it is sunny out and the weather is warm, reserving kayaks from the Students Activities Office and doing that at Baw Beese is a great option. Other activities that will take the stress off it feeling like an interview are mini-golf at Silo’s, or a walk with coffee at Stocks Park. If it is too cold, then something fun to do is going to either of the thrift stores in Hillsdale and each choosing an item of clothing for the other person that breaks them out of their comfort zone a little bit. – Senior Jonathan Williams

Q. What should guys do for Valentine’s Day to impress a lady?

Obviously, you need roses, as many as you can get your hands on. Whatever you’re thinking, multiply that. Then some wine, doesn’t matter what kind because we’re in college and she won’t know the difference. Lastly, write her a love sonnet, and then deliver it with confidence. You could also get a boombox and stand outside of her window in the rain if you’re trying to win her back. – Celecia

Guys definitely need to display their physical prowess. The less clothes the better. I’m not advocating for full nudity but Galloway seems to be doing something right. If you see the woman of your dreams approaching, remove your shirt and start your burpees (these are the best because they combine legs and arms. The Dorito bod will not be winning you any Valentine’s Day points). Women should simply stand around in big groups. Ooh and wear red. Nothing makes you more approachable and Valentine’s Day ready than being a part of a massive bright red flock. There is nothing intimidating about that at all. Pink works as well if you want to give a more demure vibe. – Heldt

Gift giving is a really valuable skill. If guys have any ounce of creativity, they should use it for Valentine’s Day. Music, words, art, etc. — do something you’re good at that’s both impressive (not Clash of Clans) and that not everyone’s good at. Or if you’re a business major, just buy her something thoughtful with all of that money you’re going to make. – Hamilton

Q. What should a guy not do to get a date?

Don’t run around campus. That won’t help. Actually that’s all I can think of. This should be a priority. Walk at a reasonable pace, it’s better to be late to class and for your lover to see you walking, than to be there on time and she sees you sweaty and bad at time management. – Celecia

A guy should not ask nicely. He should not have a plan. He definitely should not have chocolate and flowers at the ready nor should he compliment his date on how she looks. It’s the 21st century and women are not into that anymore (For any of those who struggle with written tone please look up sarcasm in the nearest dictionary). – Heldt

Don’t get her number from someone else. And if you’re a freshman, stop bragging about what time you get up. – Hamilton

Q. What advice do you have for the hopeless romantics on Hillsdale’s campus?

Romance is about pleasant surprise. So here’s my advice: Have a plan, and plan to pay. Get out of Hillsdale — make it a meal, preferably something different. Share some work of art. Watching a movie is easy, but also a bit lazy. Going to see live music is great, or a play. Ask her to dress up and be ready to leave at 4 p.m. Take her to the Toledo Museum of Art, which is a gem, and is open until 8 p.m. on weekends. Afterward, take her to the restaurant Kengo Sushi & Yakitori. Make sure you get a cozy booth where you can talk about what you saw. Good time, guaranteed. – Nathan Schlueter, Professor of Philosophy

The men of Hillsdale are a sorry lot. The girls deserve better. But here’s a starting place for the guys. The cheapest place to go to that’s good is St Joe’s Cafe. It’s an elegant and very pleasant pizza place. If you want a greater variety of pizza, try Cascarelli’s Pizza in Homer. There is only one world class, elegant restaurant. It is in Camden, Michigan, and it is called the Farm House. You usually need reservations or you will be stuck in the main room where it’s loud. If you don’t drink, the food here is about fifty bucks. If you want to impress a girl, go down to Grand Rapids to a place called Leo’s, a fine white tablecloth restaurant with excellent fish. The music on this campus is terrific, and it would be great to take a young lady on a date to a recital or orchestra. There’s theater on campus — less of it than there is music — but the plays are very good. Shakespeare in the Arb in the late spring is very nice. – Paul Rahe, Professor of History

Illustrated by Maggie O’Connor.