When junior Anna Stirton envisioned her wedding, it didn’t involve a 6-foot flower girl, the Arb, or a giant inflatable duck. But her friends had other ideas.

In the final weeks of the semester, a duck craze has struck campus from multiple directions. “Over spring break, I went with Lucy Bachiochi, Jacqueline Roth, Amelia King, and Evelyn Shurtliff to the Outer Banks,” Stirton said. “When I was on a run, they were planning the duck wedding together. Because somehow, I seem like the type of person that would enjoy this.”

The friends planned the faux nuptials for Stirton’s 21st birthday. 

“I was at Rough Draft with my boyfriend Rylan Conley getting a drink,” Stirton said. “Lucy asked me a couple days earlier, ‘Do you want to do something really low key and fun with the girls for your birthday? We’ll set something up in the Arb.’”

Bachiochi told Stirton to wear a white dress. 

“I think I’m going into the Arb by myself, because to my knowledge, it’s just a bunch of girls doing this fun little picnic thing,” Stirton said. “It didn’t hit me somehow that it was 9 p.m., totally dark, and 30 degrees.”

Conley offered to walk Stirton into the Arb, which she said she thought was odd. 

“Then Lucy texted me to say, ‘When you’re walking in, close your eyes because we have a little surprise set up for you,’” Stirton said. “I was thinking maybe they made me a cake or something.”

Stirton said she closed her eyes and heard strange noises. 

“Lucy comes up and joins me and Rylan. We walk up, and then I open my eyes,” Stirton said. “I didn’t comprehend what was going on for a full two seconds. I felt like I was in a dream.”

Stirton saw 40 people gathered in the Arb, with an aisle, a bishop, a flower arch, and a huge inflatable duck. 

“I was forced down the aisle by a father-of-the-bride character, who was Emil Schlueter,” Stirton said. “All the while, there’s a choir singing ‘Ode to Joy’ in quacks.”

Junior Joseph Brecount played the duck in an inflatable costume, freshman Trinity Lindsay led the band, freshman Robert Brannon played guitar, William Schlueter played an altar server, and sophomore Karl Schlueter officiated as bishop. Junior Evelyn Shurtliff was the maid of honor, and senior Paul Whalen was the best man. 

“Michael Bogumill was the flower girl,” Stirton said. “He did a beautiful job. It was very acrobatic.”

After the ceremony, the wedding party fled the Arb to avoid security. 

“Most people will be able to tell their kids that on their 21st birthday, they went out to the bar,” Stirton said. “I’ll be telling my kids that I married a duck.” 

Stirton’s boyfriend has mixed feelings about dating a married woman, Stirton said. 

“I think Rylan was a little thrown off by the whole thing,” Stirton said. “He was like, ‘OK, you have odd friends.’ But afterwards, I suggested doing this again as a joke, and he very certainly told me there will be no more weddings happening.”

Meanwhile, freshman Blake Schaper has been busy scattering tiny ducks around campus. 

“Earlier this year, two guys in Galloway, my friends Nathan Morgan and Andrew Ebert, had a bunch of those tiny 3D printed gnomes, and they put them all over Olds,” Schaper said. “I was like, ‘That’s cool. We should do something like that.’”

Schaper said over winter break, he discussed the prank with his mom, who bought him a hundred or so tiny ducks to pass around. 

“What if we just do it with the whole college?” Schaper said. “I passed them around to a few people. Chloe Ross is my good friend. She loves geese, she loves ducks, and she loves shenanigans almost as much as I do.” 

With Ross’ help, Schaper began distributing ducks. 

“I gave a couple ducks to some of my Whitley guys,” Schaper said. “Then I also gave a few to some of my softball gentle lady friends.” 

As his semester got busier, Schaper said his duck distribution petered out. 

“But then the funny thing is, about two weeks ago, I was walking to Delp, and I noticed on the column there’s one of my ducks,” Schaper said. “And then the next day I was also going somewhere and lo and behold, I spotted another duck. This is crazy. I’m seeing little ducks all over the place.”

Though Schaper assumed Ross had placed those ducks, she said it wasn’t her. 

“We had the monopoly on the ducks,” Schaper said. “No one else had more than three. So obviously there must have been someone who’s either done a major heist of the ducks or bought the same brand and has been putting them around campus. Or maybe just independently came up with the idea, like Isaac Newton and Gottfried Leibniz.” 

According to Schaper, he feels inspired by this mysterious duck dealer. 

“Maybe I’ll do a little inter-duck war with this enigmatic persona, shall we say,” Schaper. 

Schaper said he aspires to create an Instagram page for the ducks. 

“There should be more Hillsdale meme accounts,” Schaper said. “I know there’s a few of them making fun of fundies, but what if there’s some, like, fundie-inclusive stuff.”

Independent of Schaper’s operation, senior Jacob Harman Waldvogel said he’s had duck problems of his own. 

“My friend Luke Andrews, the first time he was on campus last semester, left tiny plastic ducks all over my room,” Waldvogel said. “Some of them he put in plain sight, but he also put a huge pile in my bed.”

Waldvogel said he and his friends collected the ducks and lined them up in their suite. 

“Now, they’re all scattered around,” Waldvogel said. “But maybe by the end of the semester we can put them in a row again.”