Olds

“Olds girls constantly complain about their lack of functioning amenities but still claim to be the best dorm on campus.” Mercy Franzonello, Junior, McIntyre head resident assistant

“Olds girls really, really, really love the dorm community they forge in the face of great adversity.” Catherine Graham, Senior, Townhomes head resident assistant

“Olds is the fun little sister with lots of energy and excitement to make new friends.” Emily Schutte, Senior, Sohn head resident assistant

McIntyre

“The best ladies. The most head RAs, as well.” Graham

“This is the multiple personality dorm ranging anywhere from sorority and sporty to fundie and friendly.” Schutte

Mauck

“Despite being a two-second walk from campus and having a bajillion windows, few people actually see Mauck residents on a daily basis.” Franzonello

“For having a reputation that is solely “the quiet dorm,” I hear about the weirdest shenanigans over there.” Graham

“Mauck is rather quiet without much going on. I never really know what to make of it.” Schutte

Benzing

“Everyone there either wants to get married or binge watch the Lord of the Rings perpetually.” Franzonello

“I’ve only ever heard bad things about living there — though some of my good friends live in Benzing! I’ve never been, personally.” Graham

“She is like the sister you never hear from.” Schutte

Kirn

“They try to hype up their dorm by putting on events at Penny’s, but no one wants to go because nothing is free.” Franzonello

“This is the first year I can tell the New Dorm RAs apart. I also spend far more time there than I ever have before. I would say I like it.” Graham

“It went from sorority adjacent to scholarly academic within two years.” Schutte

Dow House

“Honestly nobody knows about them, but they’re just friendly grandmas who like drinking tea and avoiding people.” Franzonello

“Paul House? Dow House? Isn’t that where the other music fraternity — you know, the fedora one — lives?” Graham

Sohn

“It’s like a really nice hotel, but their only visitors are the fire department.” Franzonello

“From what I can tell, the effort to establish immediate dorm culture consisted of Audrey Hepburn. I never understood it, but I’m oddly at peace with it.” Graham

Townhouses

“They’re the rejects of off-campus and dorm life.” Franzonello

“Basically all the seniors who didn’t go off campus but wanted to separate from campus life.” Schutte

The Other Ones

“Not sure where the name came from, because they don’t have drinkable water and they’re all single.” Franzonello (on Waterman)

“Lovely. Not really a dorm, though.” Graham (on Waterman)

“They’re trying to tell us it’s a men’s dorm, but after seeing the residents we all know the truth.” Franzonello (on Koon)

Illustrated by Maggie O’Connor.