Lads,
Drinking raw milk, lifting heavy weights, and taking ice baths will not help you find a wife. Men may benefit from these practices, but the women are not impressed, and the college’s ring-by-spring numbers are plummeting due to this immature neo-masculinity. A better way to develop yourself as a man is to join swing dance club.
The basic problem lies in neo-masculinity’s vanity. Hillsdale has never taught men to be vain. In fact, Hillsdale has always taught men to look outside of themselves and serve others. That’s why Hillsdale men left to fight in the Civil War and that’s why we memorialize them with statues.
A record number of men on campus now boast about their lack of bloating, low body-fat percentages, and sunbathing rituals. Then they pose for pictures and videos to post on Instagram. Meanwhile, they call for female modesty and search for mute cavewomen brides.
Women on campus see these neo-masculine ideologues and lament, though they may appreciate the men taking care of themselves. It helps the classrooms smell better. Yet I suspect they would prefer to hear about it over a cup of coffee on an actual date that includes being asked a couple of questions about themselves. “What are your hopes and dreams?” goes a lot farther than “Let me tell you about the benefits of unnecessarily prolonged ice baths.” Showing interest in her as a person beats alpha-strutting in your old money polo while checking your reflection in every window, saying to yourself, “Yeah, she likes this masculine high-T hunk.”
Swing dance is better because it makes you look like a total dunce — something that petrifies neo-masculinists — as you stumble over your feet and try to stay on beat. You learn teamwork and practice humility with her. Laughing at yourself with her, instead of talking about yourself at her, reveals a humble and mature worldview without you at the center. This will impress her more than that 500 pound deadlift.
Ultimately, the embarrassment is all worth it because you get to talk to a beautiful lady and release some of that pent-up “concupiscence” students are always hearing about in the Love, Sex, and Marriage class. We all know Dean Pete prefers concupiscence released via swing dance rather than any other outlet, such as premature procreation.
Ultimately, Swing Dance Club provides a respectful and polite atmosphere for men and women to get to know each other. This activity attracts and rewards both sexes. Because it happens weekly, it provides a natural progression for a relationship to grow. The men especially need this structure to pull them away from their dumbbells and mirrors. The women will appreciate the good time and friendship.
We are allowing a culture of barbarism to take over male students. Men and women alike are hurting as neo-masculine self-centeredness pushes them apart. The men need to stop worshiping Bronze Age Pervert and start emulating Mr. Darcy.
Many rugged men are shaking their heads reading this piece. They have never felt healthier, always pursuing a better body. To quote their exemplar of virtuous masculinity, psychopath Patrick Batemen, “You can always be thinner, look better.” They’re even in a serious Hillsdating relationship — maybe even marriage-bound. Unfortunately, your Hillsdating relationship will just result in awkward tension at Mass while your former flame sits a mere two pews away. The uncomfortable eye contact at the Sign of Peace is incomparable to the love grown between a couple who met while mastering their Lindy Hop.
