Life in a democracy devolved in the past several years. A stream of immoral, corrupt politicians keep flowing through Washington, D.C., producing more paparazzi pieces than policy. 

Random millionaires leap into the spotlight, raise small fortunes from wealthy donors, spout the right talking points, and waltz into political office. The scandals won’t pop out until a decade or so into their political career. It’s times like these when monarchy starts to look good again. 

A few centuries ago, citizens didn’t wait expectantly for the next politician to leap out of the shadows. They had a steady line of kings and queens to observe and obey. Sure, a coup or revolution shook things up occasionally, but that was just extra excitement.

The best excitement America had was a group of disorderly right-wingers storming the capitol. Is that the best democracy can do for excitement in politics? 

The benefits don’t just extend to adults either. When Queen Elizabeth II died, British students got an entire week off of school. When was the last time American students got a week off of school for an American president? Never. We only get one day for George Washington. 

Many critics of monarchy claim choosing a ruler through succession fails to . At least in an election, the people can choose their leader to avoid incompetency or tyranny. That sounds nice, but consider a couple of examples. Seventy-three-year-old Charles III, newly minted king of England, is the oldest monarch to start his reign. That’s still five years younger than President Joe Biden was at the start of his term. Remember which one of those was elected? 

But maybe you think the age and mental capacity of a ruler doesn’t matter so long as they don’t do anything terrible. 

Just imagine a world where we have kings and queens again. Instead of focusing on singers’ wardrobe and actor drama, we could focus on royal wardrobes and royal drama. Rather than obsess over who will win the next Super Bowl, we could obsess over which monarch will throw the football at the next Super Bowl. 

No more dreading Thanksgiving dinner for fear of political debates, no more disconnecting the telephone to avoid telemarketers and fundraisers, and no more Facebook arguments between soccer moms. It’s a win-win-win. 

Don’t take my word for it, ask a former president. President John Adams once called democracy bloodier “than either aristocracy or monarchy.” He would know, he watched a democracy fight a monarchy. 

Now’s the time to bring back monarchy and kickstart a renaissance of royalty. Pick a random couple from a sparsely-populated state like Wyoming or Montana and designate them the new royal family. Turn the White House into the White Castle and transform the Secret Service into the Sovereign Service. 

If everything falls to pieces, organize a simple revolution and resurrect democracy. Every government needs a fallback. Right now, this country needs a drastic update and monarchy deserves a second chance.