Guys at Hillsdale need to remember that persistence is not always a virtue.
Some of Hillsdale’s men act with a relentless sense of determination when it comes to asking girls on dates. Often obsessed with being gentlemen of the highest degree, they seem to think that persistence is the key to winning a woman’s heart. However, this makes them seem much more like a Mr. Collins rather than the Mr. Darcy they aspire to be.
Hillsdale fosters a unique, future-driven mentality that many men on campus adopt quickly and passionately. Far too often, women — and the art of successfully wooing them — are treated as just another item on guys’ checklist of things they came to accomplish before graduation — Pursue the Good, the True, the Beautiful, and the Woman.
(Watch out: Women can just as easily fall prey to the fervent search for a spouse!)
Relationships are not a game and aggressive tactics hurt real people. Men who refuse to take no for an answer embarrass themselves and leave girls in awkward situations. No matter how bluntly a woman may put her rejection, persistent suitors seem not to comprehend her clear “No,” or if they do comprehend it they do not heed it. These repeated advances make daily interactions on campus awkward and humiliating for girls wanting to just be friends. A kind-hearted Hillsdalian woman can feel quite terrible as she turns down good friends repeatedly, then has to face them regularly in the context of a small campus community.
Although such men may have every intent of being respectfully determined, the way it makes the woman they choose to pursue feel is anything but pleasant. These complaints are not a rarity — so many girls have reported being doggedly pursued that it stands out as an egregious problem.
Hillsdale College has a distinct environment and culture, something that its students should embrace and enjoy. However, how they approach dating and relationships should reflect the community in which it takes place. At some campuses, women bemoan the lack of courageous, initiating men — thankfully, Hillsdale doesn’t have that problem. Unfortunately, though, a Hillsdalian woman faces a rejection fatigue that women at other schools may not: too many bold and persistent suitors.
The small size of Hillsdale’s student body creates a very tight-knit community — a special and treasured aspect of this college. But it also means that, when a girl says no to a date, she is fully aware he is either a friend or someone she will see around regularly. Unlike larger schools where the chances of running into someone more than once are rare, people see each other enough every day to get a decent understanding of their character.
The quality and character of the men on campus can and should be applauded. Their intentions are almost always pure. But the way their relentless pursuit of a lifelong partner can make women feel is far from edifying. Because of their good hearts, it is vital that they understand this and alter their ways quickly.
The moral of the story, Men of Hillsdale, is that you cannot start a relationship on such a short and aggressive timeline —you need to slow down, be patient, look for hints and clues, and woo more tentatively at first. Stop trying to win a woman, and start enjoying your sisters for who they are —you may be surprised to find the wooing becomes far simpler and more enjoyable.
