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Make the most of this Valentine’s Day — there won’t be one next year.
Ladies, are you already planning ahead for another romantic dinner by candlelight? Forget about it. The most popular sporting event in America will have your boyfriend’s attention in a chokehold.
For the first time in history, the Super Bowl will be played next year on Feb. 14, in a quirk of scheduling caused by the NFL’s 17-game season expansion.
In this unprecedented overlap between two secular American holidays, the increasingly extravagant finale of the NFL will easily prevail over the mild celebration of love and affection. For all intents and purposes, Valentine’s Day next year will not exist.
If you, like doubting Thomas, require evidence to believe, just remember that the majority of the men on campus recently watched the halftime show in a language that they don’t even understand — the siren song of Super Bowl Sunday is that irresistible.
Even if you miraculously manage to drag your man out to dinner on Sunday night next year, rest assured that he will find a way to constantly check in on the big game, eagerly watching a TV behind your head or slyly glancing at his phone underneath the table.
Since you will have to resign yourself next year to spending Valentine’s Day beside your significant other as he whoops and hollers at football, you should carpe diem this year. Make sure to enjoy a classy dinner date — or simply max out his credit card for a new purse.
Gentlemen, the jig is up. We know that the Super Bowl trumps everything else, unfortunately even the lovely ladies in your lives. They simply can’t hold a candle to the glories of the gridiron, the clash of conference champions, the modern matchup of David and Goliath.
But there is hope for you yet. This Valentine’s Day, you can preemptively redeem yourself. By playing your cards carefully on Saturday, you can win enough good will to last through 2027.
If you foolishly have not planned anything yet, fear not. While the quiet hamlet of Hillsdale may seem bereft of fine dining, a few options do exist.
Local Italian pizzeria St. Joe’s is offering a special set-course meal, and Olivia’s Chop House and Rosalie’s Roadhouse, both perennial date destinations, are both a short drive away in Jonesville.
Able to range farther afield? A trip out of the Michigan boondocks is a surefire winner. Steakhouses and sushi are just two of the countless cosmopolitan options that will undoubtedly secure the heart of your beloved for the next calendar year.
So book a table and buy some flowers. Next year, Valentine’s Day will compete in vain against the unstoppable force of America’s football holy day.
Charles Hickey is a sophomore studying the liberal arts.
