Kelli Kazmier with her son and husband at a winery.
Courtesy | Kelli Kazmier
In this Quick Hits, Assistant Professor of Chemistry Kelli Kazmier talks Copernicus, college shenanigans, and planting onions.
What has made you laugh recently?
This morning, my 4-year-old son listed off the reasons that we love each other: we are family, we both love nature, and we are both Pokemaniacs. He is exactly right.
If you had the chance to go to space and see a black hole, would you do it (despite the dangers)?
Definitely not. I suspect that the experience would be underwhelming given my limited sensory capacity as a human. Certainly not worth giving up my life over. I am accustomed to enjoying marvelous phenomena second hand via technology. It steals little of the wonder.
What do you like doing on weekends?
Gardening. I am planting my first seeds of the year this weekend: onions. Exciting.
If you could make up a name for an element, what would it be?
Ooh, hot take alert. I would name an element after the father of quantitative chemistry, Antoine Lavoisier. Absolute legend. Totally ridiculous that we name an element after noted non-chemist Copernicus before arguably the most important chemist of all time. There, I said it.
If you could be in any movie, what would it be and why?
I would want to be the diabolical villain with the elaborate and ridiculous plans for world domination in a spy movie.
Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Definitely morning. My mind is clear and productive in the morning. I start powering down around 9 p.m.
If you had a walk up song, what would it be?
While it misses the mark for a good walk-up song in some ways, for lyrics and swagger alone, “Do I Move You (Version II)” by Nina Simone.
If you could eat dinner with any three people, who would they be and why?
My deceased matrilineal line: my mother and my grandmothers. I would love to just see them again, but also I have so many questions and so much gratitude to express.
What’s your favorite college memory?
During graduation week, we scavenged and installed an entire home’s worth of furniture and appliances (toilet included) in the quad and hung out there for the week.
If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you’d do?
Find and buy a unicorn property with an old house, five or more acres of land for cultivation (for me) but also with sidewalks and located within walking distance of parks and restaurants (for my husband).
What is your favorite element on the periodic table?
I’m a biochemist, so I am a carbon chauvinist. The size and diversity of molecules required for the processes of life would not be possible without the unique chemical properties of carbon: the tetrahedral geometry, the plethora of bond types with intermediate reactivity, forming stable molecules that can also change. I could go on and on. And don’t get me started on water.
What’s your favorite band? Have you seen them in concert?
My favorite college band Detholz! playing a Halloween show in the tiny basement of our now-condemned-but-probably-should-have-then-been-condemned on-campus bar. Magical. If interested, check out “Cast Out Devils” on Bandcamp.
Would you rather spend a year in the ocean on a submarine or a year on the International Space Station?
Both of these options sound awful. I am a people person. I hate routine. I don’t like confined spaces. I love the land. What is with all the space questions? Did Physics put you up to this? Are they angry about my Copernicus take?
What would be your zombie apocalypse survival strategy, in three words?
Trust no one.
