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A man in a bright orange shirt that read “Cold Showers and Holy Hours” noted that I was a young, unmarried woman, and handed me a sticker at the Catholic youth conference SEEK24 in St. Louis: “I only date Exodus Men.” Beneath the tagline was a QR code that would evidently lead any love-stricken young man seeking my hand to the Exodus 90 app.
I didn’t put the sticker on my laptop — not just because it’s tacky to advertise one’s dating requirements on the back of a computer, but also because a man doesn’t have to participate in a regimented 90-day spiritual program to be a faithful Catholic or a good prospective husband.
Since Exodus 90 launched in 2015, it’s become common and almost trendy for Catholics to extend the 40-day Lenten season by entering a penitential season of prayer and fasting for the 90 days preceding Easter. In just 10 years, 250,000 men have completed the Exodus 90 program alone, including my dad.
Exodus 90 calls on men to detach themselves from the comforts of the world and build a stronger prayer life. Participants don’t just abstain from sweets and alcohol. Exodus men commit to sleeping eight hours per night, taking cold showers, exercising several times a week, praying for an hour every day, avoiding unnecessary screen time, and fasting twice a week, among other disciplines.
Several women’s versions have launched since then, such as Fiat 90 and Magnificat 90, which include similar ascetic practices but tailor the program to women’s spiritual needs, with participants studying the women of the Bible and fostering devotion to the Virgin Mary.
In the whirl of Catholic peer pressure and internal scrupulosity, it’s easy for the zealous faithful to forget that it’s not necessary to participate in Exodus or Fiat in order to have a good spiritual life. What’s true with other trends is also true with these programs — just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you have to.
I’ve done Fiat for the past two years, and it was beautiful to grow in faith with a group of other women, but I’m not doing it this year. I was just beginning to solidify a new prayer routine over Christmas break when Fiat started, and I wanted to spend the first weeks of the semester strengthening my own disciplines.
That’s not to say having a life of prayer is a trend. On the contrary, the reason you don’t have to do Exodus or Fiat is that a prayerful life isn’t a trend, but a relationship with God. It doesn’t depend on a Catholic app developed in the last decade.
If Christianity invites a personal relationship with God, one should practice the penances and spiritual rhythms that meet his soul’s needs. That might not include Fiat 90. The person who struggles with scrupulosity or comparison shouldn’t participate in a spiritual accountability group. A spiritual director or a priest will provide sage counsel to an aspiring penitent while considering the struggles of that particular soul in a way that a group of people your age who also struggle with your faults cannot.
Perhaps you need to grow in one particular area of your spiritual life, or the Exodus discipline list does not encompass the virtues in which you want to grow. Form the compilation of devotions and habits that you need to live virtuously.
For those doing Exodus or Fiat, don’t forget that you are not just participating in a club — you are on a spiritual retreat. Your disciplines are commendable, but don’t wear your cold showers and Instagram fasts on your sleeve. Remember the words of the Gospel, and don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.
If you have a friend participating in a 90-day program, pray that it is fruitful for them, but don’t feel guilty for not participating. Lent is a liturgical season of the Church; Exodus is not. Rest in your decision to refrain from participating, and prepare your heart for Lent. The Lord will rejoice in your Lenten journey. It’s OK if you didn’t join Matt Fradd in Exodus 90 — join Jesus in the desert 40.
Francesca Cella is a junior studying English.
