Hillsdating gets a bad rap. It provides the fun of dating without intentional clarity, so it should. Saga isn’t that romantic anyway.
But Hillsdating has gotten one thing right: Getting to know people doesn’t have to be serious from day 1.
Romantic mingling before becoming official is nothing new. While before the 1920’s “calling” on a girl at her home was the norm, by the mid-20th century young men and women began getting to know each other through dates outside the home. Though the motivation for going on many dates was often influenced by a desire to appear popular, the practice of going on dates rose in the pre-World War II years.
Hillsdale could learn from this tradition. While removing spouse-searching from the family environment brought its own problems, getting to know a variety of the opposite sex allowed and continues to allow young people to understand which qualities they do and do not want in a spouse. The alternative — seen in the many women I know who have rarely, if ever, been asked out — is not knowing what you want (because you haven’t had the chance to date) and having no options anyway (also, because you haven’t had the chance to date).
As a second semester senior, I have only been asked out on one official date on campus. When I was living in D.C. during my WHIP semester, however, my experience was vastly different. As a friend of mine recently noted, Hillsdale is like a high school co-op. In the real world, people actually date.
Many women at Hillsdale desire a career yet still believe that marriage and motherhood is their vocational priority. I have realized that some Hillsdale men are discouraged from dating by female ambition because they see this in competition with future maternal priorities. Men on campus can recognize motherly desires and simultaneously appreciate career skillsets, which can be excellent preparation for future family responsibilities.
Dates at Hillsdale seem serious because students take their vocations seriously. This is good, but a Rough Draft date isn’t closing any doors on your vocation. It’s just coffee. Overthinking dates makes guys less willing to ask for dates, and girls less willing to accept them.
It doesn’t have to be this way. People should be less bashful and realize that it’s not weird to flirt, even if it’s not reciprocated. People are flattered when someone notices them, even if it’s someone they don’t want to date. And going on a date with someone does not mean you must commit to a second.
The virtue of dating is found in the balance between serious vocational discernment and mindless mingling. Many Hillsdalians realize the evil of hookup culture and surely wish to avoid it. Yet we don’t need to make dating so serious that it paralyzes the development of friendship.
Dating can be both intentional and casual. Traditional “calling” achieves the first, and Hillsdating achieves the second. Healthy dating should land somewhere in between.
Male-female friendships have a natural progression. Hillsdating should lead to emotional transparency and progress to commitment. A beautiful relationship blooms when two people mutually acknowledge their sentiments, and then develop them. This Valentine’s Day, Hillsdale restaurants will fill with couples who started out Hillsdating. That’s a reason for hope.
Rachel Schroder is a senior studying history.
