I planned weddings with three different men before meeting my fiancé. 

No, I’m not a serial runaway bride. Or a polygamist. I’ve just fallen in love before. 

My wedding to my first boyfriend — which I planned at the ripe age of 15 — was going to be an intimate affair because of our shared teenage hatred for everyone. My second wedding to my boyfriend of two and a half years was supposed to take place last year — whoops. Time has taught me that the third wedding was completely delusional, as freshman and senior relationships typically don’t work out. 

Thankfully, each of these relationships ended sans wedding. Rather, they all ended with important lessons about which kinds of people I should never marry. This is why casual dating is the best way to “date for marriage.”

People on and off Hillsdale’s campus often turn down dates in the name of “dating for marriage,” meaning they’re turning down experiences which will help them better discern who they want to marry. They focus so specifically on their ideal person that they ignore most datable people that cross their paths. This is not the way to pick your best possible partner. I’ve learned exactly what I like and dislike thanks to my formative relationships in high school and early college. 

For example, I’ve learned I can’t be romantically involved with men who are older than me, men who are eldest siblings, and men who are much shorter than me — despite the fact that these all sounded great to me for a very long time. If I turned down people who deviated from those categories, or even ended up with one, I’d be miserable and never expect it. 

You wouldn’t jump in a pool without having learned how to swim, so why promise a lifetime to someone if you’ve never gotten a coffee date? The ability to compare and contrast and build on your past are some of the best tools in a dating arsenal. Don’t ignore them. 

So, just go on dates. Go on dates with anyone who doesn’t immediately repulse you. Go on dates with people who aren’t your type. You might get a free dinner, or you might get a husband or wife.