Planning a wedding has made me realize a lot about my relationship — namely that it’s better than everyone else’s. 

I’m kidding. But I have noticed that my planning is going a little differently from that of some of my friends: Most of their fiancés either have no say in anything or are completely disinterested in the details of the wedding day. 

Men plan dates and romantic gestures all the time — at least they should — so what makes wedding planning any different? 

My first thought is that they might be scared of their brides-to-be… which seems like a larger issue. But a wedding is the union of two people into one, meaning both should be involved. Sure, it took a little longer for Jacob and I to land on the color scheme we wanted since there were two opinions instead of one. But he talked me down from my orange and pink ledge, and that’s a good thing.

And planning a wedding is a lot of stressful footwork on top of school and — in my case — finding a job. It seems insane to deny the free labor of anyone, let alone your future spouse. 

The other thing that seems to be holding men back is their lack of interest in their wedding day. They just planned a proposal, they can’t be bothered, it’s the bride’s day, wedding planning seems too fruity, etc. 

I don’t trust it. “Yes, dear,” isn’t the level of enthusiasm I want in a partner. 

Maybe my fiancé is just fruitier than some of these guys, but I would never have been able to plan this wedding without him, nor would I want to. The only reason we’re keeping the stupid thing on the books is because of our combined efforts and its sacramental status. Otherwise, we’d both be ready to elope. 

I don’t know how some of you are doing it alone, but you might not need to. If you’re met with intense opposition from your partner — either your future husband or wife — you might have some deeper stuff to figure out than what flavor cake you’ll be eating.