Johnson is not a good candidate for president. Courtesy | Facebook

Detroit businessman and self-proclaimed “quality guru” Perry Johnson launched his presidential campaign with a fart. 

It was not his own fart. It was the fictional fart of an inflated Sen. Chuck Schumer, D-NY, in a cartoon Super Bowl ad.

A rotund Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-NY, also waddled across the screen, asking for more money as whimsical music played in the background.

“That’s not the solution, it’s the problem,” Johnson replied in the ad. 

When Johnson presented his platform of federal budget cuts, he presented an unoriginal idea as if he were the first to suggest it.

“If Congress cuts the budget just 2% a year, problem solved,” he said in the ad. 

Johnson said he hopes to sell the idea with his book, “Two Cents to Save America.” Or at least, he hopes to sell viewers on his book.

“Get two books, send one to Schumer,” he said in the ad.

In a CPAC Republican presidential primary poll, Johnson placed third, behind former President Donald Trump and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis. Johnson won 5% of the vote, beating former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley, who won 3% of votes, and former Vice President Mike Pence, who won less than 1%.

Johnson claims to have a wealth of experience in the automotive industry, as he founded the Perry Johnson Companies Group and sustained jobs in Michigan for four decades.

“Johnson brought quality control to Detroit that saved the American automobile industry,” the narrator said in the ad. “Next, he’ll save America.”

But he never saved the auto industry, according to Bridge Michigan. He can never successfully explain his actual accomplishments. According to his website, he has written more than 15 Manuels covering topics from Total Quality Management to Statistical Process Control and ISO/QS-900 systems.

Terry Boboige, president of Perry Johnson Registrars, tried to clarify what this means. 

“PJR understands the importance of impartiality in carrying out its management system certification activities, manages conflict of interest, and ensures the objectivity of its management certification activities,” Boboige said on the website of the company, which falls under the umbrella of Johnson’s larger corporate group.

If neither Johnson nor his staff can offer a straightforward, concise definition of his accomplishments, voters cannot expect him to communicate clearly as president.

The only comprehensible part of Johnson’s career is that he calls himself an automotive “quality guru,” but he is more like a used-car salesman.

Johnson sent millions of “junk faxes” to potential customers in the 1990s, violating federal rules, and used prison labor for telemarketing, according to Bridge Michigan. When he ran for Michigan governor in 2020, officials found his nominating petition signatures fraudulent, and disqualified him from the race. For someone who focuses on quality assurance, Johnson couldn’t assure the quality of his own campaign.

The 75-year-old Johnson won’t woo the female vote with his profile on the defunct dating site LoveCity.com, which he shared in a March 2022 tweet. His profile photo features a much younger Johnson, wearing an outdated white suit and the hair style of a rich frat brother.

“I am a fun, bright, entrepreneur with a great sense of humor and a strong need for adventure,” his profile said. “I am a little over 6 feet tall, 185 pounds with an athletic build. My picture is on the screen. I am looking for someone 21 to 35 who is bright and extremely attractive.”

Johnson listed his age as 35, but he was born in 1948, so he was at least 48 years old at the time. Apparently, Johnson is overqualified in one area – dating.

“I’m not a career politician,” Johnson said in a tweet. “Real person, was likely on dating sites before married to my wife.”

If Johnson continues to push ads like his campaign announcement, he will win the vote of edgy young adults. But he will lose the vote of anyone serious about politics. 

The next president should offer more than flatulence and platitudes. Johnson thinks he is America’s only hope, but America’s only hope is to choose someone else.