Miles Teller danced his way into our hearts during Bud Lites Super Bowl ad. Courtesy | Anheuser-Busch InBev

 

America boasts something far more important than the Constitution and upward mobility. That’s right. The Super Bowl.

The sporting event draws viewers beyond the regular football fans, anywhere from reprobates who don’t know a touchdown from a goal to poor college students without cable who had to Google, “How to to pirate the Super Bowl.” Families divide, blows may be exchanged, the halftime star’s music is suddenly palatable, and gluttony isn’t a sin—only on Super Bowl Sunday.

But this weekend, Americans consumed more than just their body weight in buffalo chicken dip. Mega-companies annually capitalize on the opportunity for tripled viewing potential to promote their product. Thus, Super Bowl commercials.

A 30-second slot of advertising went for $7 million this year, with some companies spending between $10-15 million after factoring in production and celebrity appearance costs. Marketing strategists spent big and took risks, all to make headlines as the best ad on Monday morning.  The result was lavish, eye-catching, and sometimes wacky commercials.

 

Bud Light: Casting a celebrity is a tried and true tactic for advertisers. Bud Light played it safe by recruiting “Top Gun: Maverick” star Miles Teller. The light-hearted ad portrayed Teller and his wife, Keleigh, dancing to the hold music on a customer service line while enjoying a Bud Light. Sans Teller, the ad was bland. But with Teller, it was a win. I predict that the Bud Light-drinking demographic will shift from almost entirely blue collar boys to the female fans who watch the “Top Gun” beach scene several times a month. However, because of said scene, we all know Miles can dance better than that, so that’s a mark against the commercial. Customer service hold music, no matter the setting, is a universally cursed sound and earns the ad a second loss tally. In the end, I give it a 8/10. I missed the Bud Knight.

 

Dunkin’: This fresh and informal take on an ad had me dreaming about the next time I’m in the Dunkin’ drive-thru. (Keep dreaming, Hillsdalians.) In the dream, Ben Affleck hands me a Caramel Swirl Macchiato. Maybe I should start petitioning for a Dunkin’ location in Hillsdale — there might be more reasons to than we realized.

And before any Starbucks fans come for me: Dunkin is good enough so that we may have a taste of civilization, but not so good that we’ll plunge ourselves into even more debt. Last time I checked, it’s only student loans that they want to forgive. But I digress. Back to the ad: Good work, Dunkin’, you had me missing home.  6/10.

“He Gets Us”: This year we got two controversial and saccharine ads promoting an under-televised figure: Jesus. Images of cancer-patient children and conflict-laden communities did a tap-dance on viewers’ emotions, leaving even Christian viewers confused as to whether they were pleased or jarred by the message. This ad met disapproval on all sides. Members of the left condemned it for the organization’s anti-abortion and anti-homosexual values. But figures on the right like Charlie Kirk asserted  that the ads “pander to liberals.” Regardless, it certainly caught attention and successfully dominated a variety of internet spaces.  5/10.

T-Mobile: I think all of us were scratching our heads watching John Travolta ad-lib his Grease hit “Summer Nights” — not only because the rendition was mildly horrid, but also because he sang the praises of one of the most decrepit mobile carriers in the nation. The addition of the guys from “Scrubs” only heightened confusion. Nice, T-Mobile! The only time I’d use your service is to call Verizon for a quote. Not even Danny Zuko could make this company attractive. 3/10.

Ranging from minute-long visual feasts to religious statements, this Super Bowl contained several commercial winners and losers. Yet none were particularly ground-breaking, and all were relatively unspectacular. Super Bowl viewers will remember last year’s famous “Alexa loses her voice” commercial from Amazon. Apple used the platform in 1984 to announce its groundbreaking Macintosh computer. With such cultural pedigree, I had hoped this year’s Super Bowl advertisements would cook up something original. Guess I’ll just have to wait until next year.