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What do you get when you combine lies, smoking, and controversial coffee companies? You guessed it: pumpkin spice. 

The first problem with pumpkin spice is the name. Pumpkin spice does not contain a trace of pumpkin. Early creators of this unnecessary flavor had the audacity to call it pumpkin spice and lie about its very nature.

Its lies aside, pumpkin spice is like smoking. Some people like to smoke, and some don’t, but the ones who don’t like smoking have to suffer second-hand smoke all the time while the ones who do love smoking blissfully puff away, destroying their lungs. 

Similarly, some people like pumpkin spice and some don’t, but pumpkin spice air fresheners and baking products force the smell of pumpkin spice even on those who don’t like it. Is it too much to ask for clean air and unbothered nostrils in the fall season? 

Who is to blame for the modern obsession with this false, pervasive smell that haunts each and every American for three months every year? The answer is Starbucks, the creator of the pumpkin spice latte. The company took pumpkin spice and its dishonest history and combined it with the most popular drug in America: caffeine. 

Without Starbucks, Americans could have lived happily and blissfully in the absence of the pseudo-pumpkin scent, but according to the FoodNetwork, Starbucks managed to sell 200 million pumpkin spice lattes in the first 10 years, cementing its place in fall culture. 

Fall already has a variety of honest traditions. Pumpkin pie actually contains pumpkins, does not ruin innocent airspace with its smell, and provides tasty satisfaction without the inclusion of a stimulating drug.

Say no to pumpkin spice lattes and pumpkin spice as a whole. Don’t let pumpkin and spice mix again. Let them live their separate lives so the rest of us can enjoy fresh air devoid of fake fragrances until Christmas brings a new set of special smells.