You’d think after her 13-year-long suffocating conservatorship, the last message Britney Spears would want to put out is “Hold Me Closer.” But Elton John’s proximity might be the exception. Britney Spears has dominated headlines once again for her first release since her private life became a public playground. 

According to Billboard Magazine, “Hold Me Closer” is a “fresh take” on John’s 1982 hit “Tiny Dancer.” Although it’s surely new, the song sounds rotten at times. 

“Tiny Dancer” is a beloved song mixed with a cheap club beat. Alongside Spears’ occasional “baby” coos, the listening experience is like that of experiencing a “Black Mirror” episode. It’s a futuristic hodge podge of autotuned sounds with very little new material. It sounds busy and shallow, despite being produced by award-winning producer Andrew Watt.

Instead of coming out with an original song or a full-length album, Spears seems to be testing the water with projects like this. In a tweet sent out by John, he explains the premise of the release being to create a “fun, happy summer track.” This collaboration is objectively humorous, but what reverence and spunk John brings to the table, Spears matches with vibrance and spice. It’s a collaboration that spans multiple generations and genres. It has all the moving parts to make it something special. It’s just not very good. 

These generational and genre hybrids have seen a rise recently and have always been a trend in the rap and hip-hop scene. Take for instance the massively popular newest release from Nicki Minaj, “Super Freaky Girl,” which samples Rick James’ 1981 hit “Super Freak.” Although “Super Freak” doesn’t necessarily hold the sweeter themes of “Tiny Dancer,” it still has a signature chorus that most people know. Earlier this year, Jack Harlow released his single “First Class,” which sampled Fergie’s 2005 song “Glamorous.” Fergie, Rick James, and Elton John are not in the same realm, talent-wise, but they’re pop icons known for signature songs.

Spears is known for her nasly, infantilized voice. She’s an icon of the late ’90s and early 2000s, enchanting the world with hits like “Toxic” and perhaps her most famous, “…Baby One More Time.” 

Her infamous 1999 Rolling Stone cover feature came on the heels of her debut album by the same name. On it, Spears is sprawled out in her underwear with a Teletubby stuffed animal and a phone. She’s gazing upward at the camera with her eyes heavily lined and her mouth slightly parted, begging readers to turn the page. 

The writer of her feature, Steven Daly, shapes his piece around Spears’ seductive qualities and the rise of “teen culture” in the nation. She was the ultimate hybrid of hotness and sweetness. She was America’s temptress. She was also 17. 

Spears’ mistreatment in the music industry has come to light over the past few years due to public awareness of her conservatorship and the 2021 New York Times’ documentary “Framing Britney Spears.” Public opinion on Spears sways every few years, but as more details of her life come to life, she’s garnering a softer spot with the American public. 

Spears has been a case study in the infantilization of women and culture’s obsession with girlishness. She’s endured heinous treatment from her closest relatives alongside public humiliation. Outside of the conservatorship, in a new marriage, and back into music, the world is probably about to see a lot more Spears. But whether or not they want the adult version of her is the bigger question. Is her naive persona ruined? 

“Hold Me Closer” is just another club beat. It’s likely meant to be consumed after a few-too-may-whatevers and in the folds of sweaty strangers. If you’re not into electronic music or remixes of classic songs, you’re not going to like this. But if this ever came on during a night out, I probably wouldn’t bat an eye. 

Spears’ current life makes this release feel both weird and also welcome. It is banal and lackluster, but perhaps after decades of being America’s pop pawn, it’s a welcome reprieve.