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Everyone knows that Lane Hall is better than Kendall Hall. I interviewed a random sample of around 30 individuals, and the vast majority revealed that they prefer Lane. But what is the secret to Lane’s dominance?

There are many reasons why Lane is considerably better than Kendall. 

The most obvious proof is the location. Through meticulous and painstaking timed trials, I learned that it takes exactly 1 minute, 12.93 seconds to walk at a moderately brisk pace from the library to Lane, while it takes an entire 1 minute, 35.86 seconds to get all the way to Kendall. That is a very crucial 22.93 second difference. It is vastly more advantageous to be running late to Lane than to be in a rush on the way to Kendall. 

Second, Lane has Jitters Cafe. In exchange for Lane’s good-enough-to-drink-coffee, Kendall only has one of the multiple grab-and-go stations. 

Third, when a student enters Lane, they are greeted by the welcoming and pleasant faces of the legendary Pat and Leslie Sajak portrait. Leslie’s pink attire and Pat’s warm smile never fail to reassure faltering students. 

Fourth, everyone watches movies in the basement of Lane, while no one can partake in cinema on the bottom floor of Kendall because there are no lecture halls there. Kendall has the contact center in the basement so there is less classroom space. 

Fifth, the entrance doors in Kendall reverberate like clanging cymbals at an elementary school band practice, disturbing classes and embarrassing late-comers, while Lane doors are quiet as a church mouse. 

Sixth, when standing at Central Hall, Lane is to the left. The combination of this and the fact that Lane’s name starts with an L assists nervous incoming freshmen in attending the correct class. 

Seventh, Lane is often the home of both Western Heritage and Great Books I classes, the cornerstones of every student’s freshman year. 

Eighth, Lane is less confusing than Kendall, with easier-to-find restrooms, and more familiarity amongst students due to freshman humanities classes being primarily in Lane. 

Ninth, strangers become friends on the busy road to Lane, while the Kendall-goer walks alone with no one nearby with whom to exchange “hellos.”

Tenth, and most importantly, the Hillsdale Easter Bunny, also known as “Liam,” enthusiastically and without hesitation endorsed Lane when interviewed. 

At some point in your life, you may have been told to “stay in your Lane.” I, for one, most certainly will. 

 

Elizabeth Troutman is a freshman studying politics.