I’m exceptionally good at being late.
Chile was my home for seven days over Christmas break, and I realized my South American family is a lot more like me than I thought, for which I’ll always be thankful.
Flexibility is every Chilean’s best friend. Time goes by, and sometimes they show up late — or miss something entirely — but they have a deep understanding that it’s the people that really matter, rather than if they meet them on time.
When we arrived in Chile, we found out our bags were lost after 16 hours of travelling. In his poor broken Spanish, my dad attempted to get the situation figured out. All the while, my uncle and cousin were waiting outside Santiago’s international airport. They waited for us for two hours.
“No problem!” they said on the phone.
When we walked out, we were greeted with big hugs and kisses, and my bags vanished, along with any animosity or annoyance that may have developed while they waited for us.
That was only the start. It was my cousin’s wedding week. While most brides are off in their own world — getting their nails done, stressing about which friend they don’t want at their wedding, wondering if they picked the right destination for their honeymoon — Andrea chose to love our family intentionally. Wedding decisions were no longer a priority. We were.
We sent a quick text to her and her fiance asking, “Do you want to go out to pizza tonight?”
The pizza restaurant didn’t end up hosting us that night — she did. She ordered the pizzas and welcomed us to the home her and her husband would be moving into upon their marriage.
It was only three days until her wedding.
The next day, I was enjoying clams topped with parmesan at a restaurant in Horcon, a coastal city along the Pacific Ocean in Chile. The restaurant was busy and obviously so were the waitresses, but as I looked out the window I saw our server walking an older woman to her car, their arms linking them together.
Her customers were waiting, but I guess doing the right thing was more important than her tips.
It was then that I realized one of the greatest misconceptions of our culture today: little structure must mean you have little respect. Of course, timeliness and daily responsibilities are often necessary in life. Respect is lost when these go out the window. But meaningful moments are lost when timeliness trumps precious memories being made.
Our reality is not meant to be governed by a ticking clock ushering in structured events. It can’t be. The Chilean culture accepts reality as it is: a changing, utterly messy thing that’s filled with beautiful people to share it with.
And so, they live that way.
Sometimes it means sitting in the airport for two hours without complaint and acting like your relative’s late arrival was the best part of your day. Or other times, its hosting a dinner party when you’re wedding’s three days away. It could even mean letting go of a few extra tips, just so you could help an old woman to her car. Such is life, and so it goes — but so the Chileans go, too.
Flexibility cultivates compassion. It is the choice to look at reality, take it as it is, and make a conscious decision to live fully in the midst of it all. Our relationships are built on trust, yes. But they are grown by our grace and understanding.
The week closed with the wedding. The bride was late, but the groom stood waiting, not worried about the delay. I don’t think he realized she was running behind. When she walked down the aisle, no one in the pews were upset they had to sit a little longer in the 90 degree heat.
Rather, we all gasped, then cried, and then enjoyed the imperfect reality that consumed us with joy.
