Courtesy | Wikimedia
In modern social media parlance, the fashionable way to say “you’re wrong” is the recycled 2010 putdown “you don’t know ball.” If you can’t understand the “knowing ball” phenomenon, you probably don’t understand the draw of fantasy football to the average fan. To say it another way, if you don’t “know ball,” you don’t know ball.
Fantasy football is an outgrowth of fandom — true fandom, not the oxymoronic “casual fandom” espoused by too many Americans. The English word “fan” is derived from the Latin “fanaticus” for a person belonging to a temple or shrine. And football, more than any other American sport, occupies the intersection of recreation and religion.
Football fans are religious. I’m not talking about Packers fans or Tennessee fans — every team has its own private fans, each a sect of the true fandom. I’m talking about the universal football fans: the type of people who hate artificial turf, love blitzing seven on third down, and lament the twilight of the fullback. The type who won’t miss a game no matter who’s playing because, teams-be-damned, it’s football.
We demonstrate our piety by understanding the game beyond what’s plainly apparent — by knowing ball. “You don’t know ball” is a stinging rebuke to any football fan, the Hillsdale equivalent of being called a heretic or schismatic. We nurse an apostolic desire to outdo one another in this discipline. It’s impressive to know that the Philadelphia Eagles’ defense is only elite because it’s paired with a strong rushing offense, or that University of Texas quarterback Arch Manning can’t meet Heisman expectations precisely because he’s under a premier playcaller, head coach Steve Sarkisian. But these bits of wisdom are insignificant in comparison to fantasy football, the ultimate expression of ball knowledge.
For those who don’t know, in fantasy football, the fan drafts a team of individual football players who score points based on their real-life statistical output on a week-by-week basis. Thus, a fantasy footballer must evaluate players based not only on individual talent, but on each week’s supporting cast and opponent.
Omarion Hampton and Najee Harris are two absolutely excellent running backs who nonetheless have very little fantasy value. This is because they both play for the Los Angeles Chargers, thereby limiting each other’s touches, which means less statistical output and fewer fantasy points. A better situated running back of lesser skill, like the Las Vegas Raiders’ Ashton Jeanty, is of much greater value to a fantasy owner. Similarly, dynamic wide receivers like the Chicago Bears’ DJ Moore are of little value when playing the San Francisco 49ers, whereas average pass-catchers like the Houston Texans’ Christian Kirk explode in worth when playing the Indianapolis Colts.
All this particular knowledge leads even to the development of fantasy principles: knowing ball about knowing ball. In football, winning teams lead games, and leading teams shorten games by running the ball. So in fantasy, a winning team’s average running back, like the Buffalo Bills’ James Cook, is as valuable as an average team’s great running back, like the Colts’ Jonathan Taylor. The same goes for losing team’s receivers: the Atlanta Falcons’ Drake London and the Cleveland Browns’ Jerry Jeudy are far worse football players than the Philadelphia Eagles’ A.J. Brown, but since their teams often play from behind and must pass the ball, they’re generally better fantasy players.
Fantasy football is the single most accessible decider of who knows ball. It is a ruthless test and spiritual discipline for any professing football fan. That’s why most leagues, rather than rewarding the knowledgeable first-place finisher, instead draft a punishment for the posing last-place finisher.
Posers, as anyone knows, are better off recreating Travis Kelce’s GQ photoshoot. Barring a down year from Garrett Wilson on the New York Jets, I’m safe from that fate. But many “casual fans” foolish enough to play fantasy football with ball-knowers will suffer that and worse come the end of the season. Fantasy football is for the knowers. Play at your own risk.
