“Girl bosses are not wife material,” wrote Jackson Hinkle on X last year. In our often-ridiculous discourse on work-life balance, some conservatives have turned “girlboss” into a slur for smart, focused young women. 

They call out Kamala Harris and Meghan Markle as emblems of this undesirable breed of females. But obsessing over the toxic traits of a few women betrays our double standard for men and women.

Most women will spend a significant portion of their adult lives working professionally, whether full time at an office, remote, or part time. In an economy that increasingly requires a dual income, many women work just to get by. That isn’t greedy. That’s reality. 

We commend ambitious young men — that finance guy in your 9 a.m., your older brother, your best friend’s fiance — for their drive and enthusiasm for work, whether that’s a 9-to-5, law school, or a startup. 

So why is it so common to condemn young women enthusiastic about their professional callings as “girl bosses”? Whether it’s memes on Twitter or snickers in Saga, too often we act as though professional ambition makes a woman less virtuous — she must be power-hungry, hate marriage, or have plans to quash men in the workplace. Is it really so black-and-white? Hardly.

Some of this comes from recognizing that women must face the trials of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum recovery if they want to have children, and are needed in a special way by their young children. While men are essential for creating families, their roles are less physically immediate. My all-girls high school will always have issues retaining talented young teachers — they just keep marrying and getting pregnant. My brothers’ all-boys school will never have this problem. 

That’s a tension that will always exist, and it’s OK to acknowledge this. But let’s change our rhetoric around women in the workplace. Their contributions have the same dignity and value as their male coworkers, even if they don’t work as many hours or take the occasional maternity leave.

There is a wrong way to pursue professional success — it comes at the expense of one’s spouse and children, other relationships, and values. But that problem isn’t limited to women. 

I’m perpetually grateful to have a dad who chose a professional life that would allow him to maximize time with and service to his family. He coached my brothers’ sports teams. He fixed everything that broke around the house. He volunteered at our schools. He never missed Mass or vacations with the family because of work. 

Families suffer when mothers aren’t present to their children, particularly in the first few years of life. But they also suffer when dad isn’t ever at school concerts or available in the mornings and evenings. 

Shouldn’t we apply the standards more fairly? If we are going to celebrate well-ordered professional ambition — and we should — we should do so for both sexes. If we are going to celebrate dedication to one’s family and vocation, we should do so for men and women. Despite the tension between these commitments, neither men nor women have to choose just one, though priorities shift in different seasons of life. 

This calls for sacrifice. My dad won’t ever be in Forbes. Parents who prioritize their families may forgo certain professions or promotions. Even before marriage, young professionals must choose what to prioritize — perhaps a path that doesn’t lead to traditional workplace “success.”

Fortunately, the prevalence of remote and part-time work makes it increasingly possible for parents to lead family-first professional lives.

Tradeoffs are never easy. As an aspiring journalist, I must accept that if I have even half as many children as I want, I won’t have the same availability for a career as my male counterparts. That realization is disappointing. 

But when I remember that the future I anticipate will give me the double joy of a family I adore and work I love, everything seems worth it. I won’t be the first one to navigate this: Mary Harrington, Mollie Hemingway, Peggy Noonan, and Helen Roy are just a few of the female journalists and writers who remain dedicated to both their work and families.

Female professional ambition isn’t the problem. The double standard is.