Satire: Male experts weigh in on makeup usage

Satire: Male experts weigh in on makeup usage

Should women wear makeup? Rather than ask the go-to sources on all things cosmetic — women — we consulted the proper experts: men. 

Some may argue men are not qualified to make sweeping statements about women’s appearances. Men disagree, and history backs them up. Men have been wearing makeup since 4,000 B.C., when the ancient Egyptians began using eyeliner and eyeshadow to accentuate their features. Many cultures developed the practice in other parts of the world, too, such as ancient China and Greece. 

Many men also have strong ties to women, as the majority are sons of mothers, nephews of aunts, and brothers of sisters. Others, like freshman Josh Underwood, consider women a powerful influence in their lives.

“Some of my favorite people are women, like my mom and my dog,” Underwood said. 

Underwood went on to explain that he chooses to see past makeup. 

“I don’t notice makeup on women,” Underwood said. “I’m makeup-blind.” 

A different expert in makeup, homecoming king and senior Truman Kjos, suggested people should not look past makeup, but instead recognize it as blatant cultural appropriation. 

“Makeup is something men should do more and women should not do at all,” Kjos said. “I’m disappointed with everything the radical left has done. They’ve tried to take everything from men and I think makeup falls in that category. We need to reclaim it.” 

Religious accounts differ on the issue of makeup. 

On the one hand, the book of Jeremiah offers little encouragement to women who wear makeup, saying, “O desolate one, what do you mean… that you enlarge your eyes with paint? In vain do you beautify yourself.” 

On the other hand, Junior Nathan Ummel, a Christian, advocated for a more needs-based approach to the application of makeup. 

“I’ve always heard ‘If the barn door needs painting, paint it,’” Ummel said. 

Junior Noah Schmidt, while acknowledging the differences in male opinions on makeup, offered a more philosophical angle. 

“Maybe the real makeup is the friends we made along the way,” Schmidt said. 

Nathan Stanish is a junior studying religion and journalism. 



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