FX has the movies. I just have this humble Halloween film junkie listicle. It’s not exhaustive, but it’s what’s free (with a monthly subscription to Amazon Prime or Netflix, of course).
But before we begin, hey, wait, I’ve got a new complaint: David Gordon Green’s reboot of “Halloween” (2018) isn’t scary at all — and that’s not even what makes it such a bad movie. The film lacks spirit, the drive to be anything except an advertisement for itself. It fetishizes a collection of horror movie tropes, delivering a decidedly middlebrow film that refuses to shoot for high psychological terrors while exempting itself from the gory lows of a B-grade film.
The only thrilling moment in “Halloween” was the part when the nice couple down the row offered me a gulp of their Wild Turkey. It sure made serial knife-murderer Michael Myers’ latest trudge through Illinois go down more easily. Oh, and I scored half a bag of abandoned popcorn, too.
But enough of that. The following films have spirit — and you should binge watch them this Halloween.
“The Shining” (1979)
Stanley Kubrick’s adaptation of Stephen King’s novel about a family trapped in a possessed (?) hotel has baffled fans since it came out in 1979. Is it about the murder of Native Americans? The faked lunar landing? The horrors of the Holocaust? It doesn’t matter: “The Shining” is a superb study in madness. Interpret it as you will.
Or alternatively, watch The Simpsons’ interpretation in “Treehouse of Horror V.” It is one of the few instances where the quality of the spoof exceeds that of the original.
Available on Netflix.
“It Follows” (2014)
It’s like “Gran Torino” got hooked on French Symbolism. Set in a burnt out neighborhood in Detroit, David Robert Mitchell’s independent suspense film follows (yes, it does) a group of teenagers pursued by an evil spirit whose hauntings are passed on via illicit sex in the back of a car. The movie recalls the good old days when horror was about shame for sin and the fear of hell. Also, Detroit’s decay is a visual delicacy — ever more beautiful in blue light.
Available on Netflix.
“The VVitch” (2015)
“Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?” Not after you read this. Robert Eggers’ directorial debut, a Puritan coming-of-age tale, corners the market on despair. It’s about a family cast out into the wilderness where they are hunted by none other than Satan himself. The less you know, the better. But seriously, don’t watch it; that might be sinful.
Available on Netflix.
“American Psycho” (2000)
A sickening example of late 90s decadence. But that scene where Christian Bale tries to feed a cat to an ATM — priceless.
It’s hip to be square!
Available on Amazon Prime.
“Children of the Corn” (1984)
A great example of a horror film that shoots low — and stays there. On a road trip through Nebraska, Linda Hamilton and her less-than-memorable boyfriend run into a small town where all the adults are dead, and the children now worship a corn-loving demon. Along with Willa Cather’s “My Antonia,” “Children of the Corn” is one of the best pieces of art made about Nebraska.
Oh, and fun fact: The film production crew used a real-live corn demon for the movie, on loan from the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha.
Available on Netflix.
“Paranormal Activity” (2007)
The apex of the found footage craze. Something about a day trader and his crazy wife.
Watch this one with Rifftrax; it’s a rewarding experience.
Available on Amazon Prime.
“The Conjuring” (2013)
The most overrated of recent horror films, but enough people like “The Conjuring” that I can’t leave it out. This movie is basically about the power of warm fuzzy feelings over the devil, which come in the form of a lay exorcism.
But that’s not the worst part. “The Conjuring” is boring on the second watch. After the thrill of the jump scares wears off, the film has nothing left to offer. Hence the need for all the equally boring sequels.
Available on Netflix.
“Hellraiser” (1987)
Not a great film by any means (the plot is in the title), but a must-watch if you want to understand Mystery Science Theater 3000’s masterful episode, “Soultaker.”
Available on Netflix.
“Ghostbusters” (1984)
Also not a great film, but Bill Murray makes one hilarious joke that The Collegian won’t let me print. A rough approximation: “Yes, it is true. This man has no dog.”
Available on Amazon Prime.
“What We Do In The Shadows” (2014)
A mockumentary from the guys behind The Flight of the Conchords, this movie appeals to the sarcastic sort of people who think Monty Python is clever and that “Blazing Saddles” is a hoot n’ half. If that’s not you — or if you hate New Zealand — well, sorry. Perhaps you would fare better with Johnny Depp’s “Dark Shadows,” a vampire comedy in earnest.
Available on Amazon Prime.
That’s all folks!
[Loony Tunes theme song.]