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It’s OK for women to initiate relationships.
Those with a more traditional view on courtship might be surprised to learn that, historically, many women were the first to show affection and often started relationships.
A woman in the Medieval Ages would give a knight who caught her attention a handkerchief or another article of clothing. In return, he was required to wear it and prove himself worthy of her affection, according to the rules of courtly love.
During the Regency era — the early 1800s and the age of “Pride and Prejudice” — women often wrote letters to their love interests, attempting to catch their attention.
In the Wild West, during the late 1800s, women would often put advertisements in newspapers seeking a husband. One of them read, “A widow lady, age 28, with some means (a stranger), without incumbrance, wishes to make the acquaintance of a gentleman of means, with a view to matrimony, if agreeable.”
These advertisements gave rise to courtship by mail, which in turn helped build families in the frontier and contributed to the domestication of the American West.
Modern dating values encourage women to ask men out. Modern dating is more focused on equality between the genders and suggests that relying on men to make the first move is harsh on more shy and introverted men. It also rejects the idea that a woman should subdue her feelings for a man if he never initiates.
Movements like #MeToo, though helping lower sexual harassment in society, have made men more cautious to ask women out for fear of being labelled a creep, stalker, or player.
Women have a natural desire to be pursued in a relationship, but modern online dating has distorted this desire by dehumanizing men. Popular dating apps allow women to customize their match preferences by height, build, and even profession. Additionally, the internet has given women constant attention and prospects, which in turn has caused them to look down on individual men without ever having a conversation with them.
Women making their interests clear helps work against the consequences of dating app culture.
Men should be comfortable with women asking them out. Men know that a woman who asks someone out is courageous, direct with her wants, and transparent — all beneficial qualities to have in a partner. It is common for men to go out on a date only to realize that the woman was not interested in him and only trying to be polite. If a woman asks a man on a date, it’s clear she truly wants to get to know him better and is interested in a relationship.
Women have made the first move throughout the history of Western civilization, and modern dating problems only makes this more necessary. No need to wait around — if you reach out first, you might just get the man of your dreams.
Blake Schaper is a sophomore studying economics and mathematics.
