Our social betters blessed us humble countryfolk with their presence on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City last week, dressed to feed their egos and participate in the greatest FOMO-inducing event in fashion: the Met Gala.
The theme was “In America: A Lexicon of Fashion,” and frankly, Anna Wintour, Vogue editor-in-chief and a chairwoman of the Met Gala since 1995, robbed Hillsdale’s homecoming theme right out from under us. Fortunately for our pride, most of the ultra-famous stars who walked the carpet didn’t seem to have received notice of the gala theme.
The men who wore their staple black suits were particularly disappointing. Canadian actor Dan Levy wore what seemed to be a pastel parachute modeled after a children’s inflatable globe, doused in sparkly zebra print and turned into something like a shirt. There were floral boutonnieres on his spiky gold and black boots, and he held a pencil case. Take notes, men. Levy’s outfit might not have made sense — it might not have even looked good — but wow, was it entertainingly confusing.
Singer-songwriter Billie Eilish arrived in a ginormous cream-colored ball gown inspired by old Hollywood. Beautiful and on theme, she drifted up the steps in the image of Marilyn Monroe.
Kendall Jenner emulated Audrey Hepburn in a dress inspired by her look in “My Fair Lady.” The dress was stunning. A slip underneath it, however, would have been a great addition. But after all, what is modern empowerment of women if it doesn’t also double as a new way of objectifying women?
In the end, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez won the evening. The congresswoman wore a lovely, white, couture, off-the-shoulder gown by designer Brother Vellies and brought a purse that cost more than $1,000 to sit at a table that designers spent at least $200,000 filling. “IRONY” was spelled out across her dress in bright red letters.
Wait, no, I’m sorry. Her dress said “TAX THE RICH.”
Ocasio-Cortez didn’t pay for her dress, the purse, or a seat. She just attended a gala catered to the wealthy and out-of-touch, wearing Brother Vellies designer shoes that, at about $615, cost more than an average American family spends on food in a month, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture. It seems that she’s criticizing a group of people she’s rubbing elbows with, nibbling on pickled turnips — yes, they actually ate pickled turnips for dinner — and wearing outlandishly expensive outfits. I can’t help but conclude that she might actually be one of “the rich.”
What do I know? Here I am, making judgements about people I’ve never met who wear clothes I’ll never be able to afford.
But it’s kind of like passing a designer car wreck. I just can’t look away.