Getting a boyfriend at Hillsdale is harder than it seems. | Pexels

Being a woman is hard. Very hard. I’m not going to delve into the bio­logical dif­fer­ences between boys and girls that most people learned about in an awkward ninth grade health class, but let’s face it, wom­anhood comes with natural dif­fi­culties that we have to deal with every single day. Not only do ladies face these curses from Mother Nature, they also have to deal with men.

The most frus­trating part about the exis­tence of men, specif­i­cally college-aged dudes, is that we need them. Women, espe­cially those in reli­gious circles, have a strong desire to get married young and have their own children, which requires the par­tic­i­pation of a man. I am here to give you advice on how to locate a man that you can find yourself wanting, or at least tol­er­ating, this kind of rela­tionship with.

Let us first begin with where to find a man that you can hope­fully learn to love. Because you are likely hoping for a man that will at least be enjoyable to look at for the next 50 years, you should obvi­ously begin your search at the gym. Now, you must inspect your options care­fully. You should only look for those who spend the entirety of their workout focusing on their upper body. That way, they will be able to carry you — bridal style, of course — and make you feel like the demure queen you are.

Once you dis­cover a hefty, thicc man that you can at least enjoy looking at for the duration of your rela­tionship, you need to figure out the best ways to con­vince him to ask you out on a date. Now men, because of their large egos and desire to show dom­i­nance, are likely to approach someone if she appears to be in need of assis­tance. Thus, the gym is the perfect place to begin this con­ver­sation because most men assume you have no idea what to do when it comes to lifting weights or exer­cising. All you need to do is walk over to the bench press, grab a bar without weights, and pretend that you are unable to even lift it off the rack. The moment you begin your charade, you will be approached by a hoard of power-hungry macho men who will try to prove that they are fit for repro­duction by their ability to lift a 45-pound bar. And voila! You are now able to select which of these men appeals to your bio­logical desires and you can embark on your journey towards getting a boyfriend.

All jokes aside, being a woman in your twenties is dif­ficult enough. While jug­gling your per­sonal needs, future goals, and the expec­ta­tions of everyone around you, there is no reason that you need to be looking for a boyfriend. Twenty seven is the median age that women marry in the U.S., meaning that most women don’t wed until five years after they graduate from college. The whole purpose of mar­riage is to find someone who helps you to grow and pursue the things you value most. During your under­graduate edu­cation, you are given the oppor­tunity to explore and solidify your reli­gious beliefs, your weak­nesses and pas­sions, and your future career path, all of which are things you must dis­cover on your own. There should not be the expec­tation from your family members or female peers for you to find a man at Hillsdale College with the nec­essary maturity and mindset to lead you through these decisions. 


Megan Williams is a sophomore majoring in rhetoric and public address. She does have a boyfriend, because coaches need to have at least played a game.