Being a woman is hard. Very hard. I’m not going to delve into the biological differences between boys and girls that most people learned about in an awkward ninth grade health class, but let’s face it, womanhood comes with natural difficulties that we have to deal with every single day. Not only do ladies face these curses from Mother Nature, they also have to deal with men.
The most frustrating part about the existence of men, specifically college-aged dudes, is that we need them. Women, especially those in religious circles, have a strong desire to get married young and have their own children, which requires the participation of a man. I am here to give you advice on how to locate a man that you can find yourself wanting, or at least tolerating, this kind of relationship with.
Let us first begin with where to find a man that you can hopefully learn to love. Because you are likely hoping for a man that will at least be enjoyable to look at for the next 50 years, you should obviously begin your search at the gym. Now, you must inspect your options carefully. You should only look for those who spend the entirety of their workout focusing on their upper body. That way, they will be able to carry you — bridal style, of course — and make you feel like the demure queen you are.
Once you discover a hefty, thicc man that you can at least enjoy looking at for the duration of your relationship, you need to figure out the best ways to convince him to ask you out on a date. Now men, because of their large egos and desire to show dominance, are likely to approach someone if she appears to be in need of assistance. Thus, the gym is the perfect place to begin this conversation because most men assume you have no idea what to do when it comes to lifting weights or exercising. All you need to do is walk over to the bench press, grab a bar without weights, and pretend that you are unable to even lift it off the rack. The moment you begin your charade, you will be approached by a hoard of power-hungry macho men who will try to prove that they are fit for reproduction by their ability to lift a 45-pound bar. And voila! You are now able to select which of these men appeals to your biological desires and you can embark on your journey towards getting a boyfriend.
All jokes aside, being a woman in your twenties is difficult enough. While juggling your personal needs, future goals, and the expectations of everyone around you, there is no reason that you need to be looking for a boyfriend. Twenty seven is the median age that women marry in the U.S., meaning that most women don’t wed until five years after they graduate from college. The whole purpose of marriage is to find someone who helps you to grow and pursue the things you value most. During your undergraduate education, you are given the opportunity to explore and solidify your religious beliefs, your weaknesses and passions, and your future career path, all of which are things you must discover on your own. There should not be the expectation from your family members or female peers for you to find a man at Hillsdale College with the necessary maturity and mindset to lead you through these decisions.
Megan Williams is a sophomore majoring in rhetoric and public address. She does have a boyfriend, because coaches need to have at least played a game.