To call, perchance to court

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To call, perchance to court
Austin Gergens and Alaura Gage met through the calling system. Courtesy | Alaura Gage

With the rise of the internet, young people can meet through online dating services from Bumble, Tinder, and Christian Mingle to ClownDating.com, Mullet Passions, and Tall Friends. Or they can hang out ambiguously for months on end without expressing their feelings, which some experts call Hillsdating. But what if there was another option, a solution that takes man back a century or so, to the glory years of dating culture? Say, the calling system? 

The calling system spanned from the Victorian period to the first decade of the 20th century, and is now making a minor resurgence on Hillsdale’s campus. In the days before men and women had the “freedom” to choose their date, the calling system allowed the woman to invite a potential suitor to “call” on her at her house at a specific time. The man in question would arrive at the house and show the maid his calling card, which had a list of the other women he had been invited to call on. If the maid approved of the card, she would let him in. If not, she would say that the woman was not home. 

Once inside, the suitor would have a meal with the woman and her family. They would ask him about his family life, his values, and his class status. After a satisfactory conversation, they would sit around the piano as the girl played “Fur Elise” or listen to her sing a popular song of the time. If the family approved, and both parties enjoyed themselves, the two could continue the courtship process on their own. 

For all the formalities, and how strange this process would be to our modern sensibilities, (or lack thereof), the calling system attempted to emphasize the lost art of sharing joint conceptions of values and the good, prior to any physical or romantic encounters. By immediately sharing a meal with the family, the two were supposed to be able to observe and critique the important core values each party held. They did not have to go through three dates of small talk in order to get down to the ‘nitty gritty’ of faith, family, politics, and more. They were able to immediately see if they shared a common ground or if their differences were irreconcilable. At least in theory. 

But could this work in modern America? A group of Hillsdale students decided to give this project a shot. Sophomores Matthias Rhein and JP Schlueter, who learned about the calling system from Professor of Philosophy and Religion Nathan Schlueter’s Philosophy of Love, Sex, Marriage, enlisted the help of sophomores Isabella Murphy and Erin Kulmatyki to set up a mock calling system. They decided to set up their mutual friends, senior Austin Gergens and sophomore Alaura Gage. 

Kulmatycki emailed Gergens, inviting him to call on them at their house, the Dow Residence. They did not disclose the name of his prospective date, and did not tell Gage that they had invited Gergens. The two only knew they were going on a blind date of sorts. Gergens and Gage both agreed to take part in this “call” because, well, why not? Gage remembers thinking, “‘If it’s horrible, it will be a really funny story. I can tell a story about this weird date I went on.” 

On a Thursday evening, Gergens was let into the Dow Residence and the call began.

Murphy and Kulmatycki played the role of the parents, moderating conversation, which Gage said was incredibly beneficial. “I knew that if it ever started going poorly, Erin and Bella could start guiding it back into place.” Like the calling system of old, the parents, or in this case the friends, of the woman moderated conversation and allowed the two to get to know each other.

And while they did not talk about faith or politics they did talk about the higher things: Percy Jackson, Chair of the English Department Justin Jackson, and opioids (presumably the conversation topic was “Jackson.”) 

According to Gage, the beauty of the calling system was that, despite the strangeness of the concept, there was no ambiguity. “We knew exactly what this was,” said Gage. “This was a date for Austin and I.” This was no AJs coffee date. Both parties knew exactly the intent and boundaries of this date. It was for the purpose of getting to know each other in the stability of the home— an environment in which the girl feels comfortable. Gergens, Gage, and her “parents”, talked for between two to three hours. 

What began as a sort of joke idea for Schlueter and Rhein, has now turned into something altogether serious. The two have been dating for four months now. 

“I’d say it’s a pretty serious relationship,” said Gergens. “I’m still interested even though she has three pairs of Doc Martens. We survived a two week vacation and a 14 hour car ride, so I’d say we get along.” 

And yet, when asked about the possibilities of this system working universally, Gage and Gergens were skeptical. This idea, they said, could only work at a small school where the majority of people know the majority of people. This entire system, says Gergens, hinges on the organizers. Not all of these dates are going to go well, but the participants need to trust those setting it up, and just give it a try. 

Finally, the calling system offers some practice in the art of “charcuterie boards” — a beloved craft at Hillsdale College. Kulmatycki provided the charcuterie, which added to the ambience of the experience. While they discussed the important things in life, all those involved enjoyed a lovely board of cheese, dried meats, and fruits.

College students often make important commitments while at school, away from the stability of the family. Whether it be their involvement on campus, changing majors, or more importantly, getting engaged or married, these decisions can become more difficult without the help of a stable foundation, whether it be parents or good friends. The beauty of the small school atmosphere is that it provides this stability through the tight-knit community.

“At Hillsdale, we all understand the problem when it comes to dating,” Gage said. “Everybody gets it. And when someone is like, ‘We should try this thing [the calling system] to fix this problem,’ everyone can get on board. Whereas at a larger school, if a guy received an email inviting him to call on a girl, he would not be about it more than likely.”

The calling system, despite its outdated processes, attempts to offer the stability of the home, while away from home. For Gergens and Gage, it worked. It is not a foolproof system, and will not work for everyone, but when it comes to trying it, in Gergens’ words, “Why the hell not?”