Courtesy |Wiki­media Commons

This week, Peter dis­cusses the season with his former girl­friends in a live setting. All 30 of them. 

The live audience is filled with just the kind of viewers you would expect — scholars, esteemed   pro­fes­sionals, and men whose girl­friends dragged them there.

Before we hear what the women have to say, we finish the rose cer­emony from last week.  Hannah Ann throws on a casual bedazzled brazier with fringe and we’re ready to go. 

Last week, Madison and Peter had a mon­u­mental fight that left the fate of their rela­tionship unknown. Madison told him not to have sex and he did… but will she forgive him?

Chris Har­rison con­soles Peter before he makes his final decision, telling Peter he “has the weight of the world on your shoulders.” I didn’t realize the world was so light. 

After giving Hannah Ann a rose, Peter turns to Madison, [exhales deeply], and asks the question with quiv­ering lips: “Will you accept this rose?”

In a shocking turn of events, Madison says “yes,” to which Peter replies, “you sure?” Con­fi­dence is key. 

With that, Madison com­pletely demol­ished the last shred of hope I had for the women on this show. 

Peter sends Vic­toria F. home and it’s apparent that she is quite upset. The alli­gator tears speak for them­selves. Granted, she has broken up about 3 mar­riages (with the potential of a fourth after this season), so I didn’t expect her dark void of a heart to dish out much emotion.

Our gra­cious Vic­toria hopes “Peter doesn’t regret this decision.” Don’t worry, he won’t. 

Now that Vic­toria has dropped out, I wonder who she’ll endorse. Hannah Ann seems to be the safe choice for the estab­lishment, but Madison’s radical ten­dencies may prove to be what the public needs right now. 

With that, we move into the highly antic­i­pated ‘women tell all’ portion of the episode. This part proves rel­a­tively boring — turns out these women don’t have much to say. Artic­u­lation, as we’ve seen, isn’t exactly their strong suit. 

Kelsey comes out swinging, asking “so are we going to talk about who said I was emo­tionally unstable?” I have no doubt half the country thinks this girl is emo­tionally unstable, but Tammy owns up to it and the first fight of the night com­mences. 

Kelsey says she “never admitted she was sober,” which is fair. Plau­sible deni­a­bility is always a good strategy. 

Vic­toria P. is con­cerned about Kelsey’s pill-popping “from a medical stand­point,” to which Rachel says “from a medical stand­point? You’re a der­ma­tol­ogist.” Look, you don’t need a medical degree to see the chemical imbalance in Kelsey’s brain.

Unfor­tu­nately, the pro­ducers fuel the tox­icity of our alcohol-obsessed society and award Kelsey with a giant cham­pagne bottle. Some­thing tells me Kelsey would rather go home with the bottle than Peter.

Tammy fires more shots at MyKenna, calling her fake and disin­genuous. “Every time a camera was around, you’d spread your legs,” Tammy said. 

Low blow.

Peter enters the chat and sur­pris­ingly, the girls have nothing bad to say about him. I could have given them a few talking points. 

Vic­toria F. has the chance to sit down with Peter and in a chilling tes­tament to their love, she says there’s no bad blood. In fact, she’s sorry she caused so much drama. 

“Watching this, I’m like, ‘how is he dealing with me?” 

I’ve been asking myself that question for 7 weeks. 

Chris Har­rison brings a former Bach­e­lorette, Rachel, on the show to speak on bul­lying and online harassment. Rich coming from a show that pro­motes the use of physical, emo­tional, and verbal abuse in com­pe­tition to win a man —  excuse me — a boy. 

Peter ends by thanking the girls for “just wanting me to be happy,” saying he is “com­mitted to bet­tering himself” through this process. 

This far into our journey, I know Peter better than he knows himself. Any pos­si­bility of him bet­tering himself went out the door as soon as the first limo door opened. 

All there’s left to do is pray for our esteemed bachelor’s soul. 

Will Peter leave the show engaged? Will Madison get her happy ending? Do I care? I’ll let you answer that.