This week, Peter discusses the season with his former girlfriends in a live setting. All 30 of them.
The live audience is filled with just the kind of viewers you would expect — scholars, esteemed professionals, and men whose girlfriends dragged them there.
Before we hear what the women have to say, we finish the rose ceremony from last week. Hannah Ann throws on a casual bedazzled brazier with fringe and we’re ready to go.
Last week, Madison and Peter had a monumental fight that left the fate of their relationship unknown. Madison told him not to have sex and he did… but will she forgive him?
Chris Harrison consoles Peter before he makes his final decision, telling Peter he “has the weight of the world on your shoulders.” I didn’t realize the world was so light.
After giving Hannah Ann a rose, Peter turns to Madison, [exhales deeply], and asks the question with quivering lips: “Will you accept this rose?”
In a shocking turn of events, Madison says “yes,” to which Peter replies, “you sure?” Confidence is key.
With that, Madison completely demolished the last shred of hope I had for the women on this show.
Peter sends Victoria F. home and it’s apparent that she is quite upset. The alligator tears speak for themselves. Granted, she has broken up about 3 marriages (with the potential of a fourth after this season), so I didn’t expect her dark void of a heart to dish out much emotion.
Our gracious Victoria hopes “Peter doesn’t regret this decision.” Don’t worry, he won’t.
Now that Victoria has dropped out, I wonder who she’ll endorse. Hannah Ann seems to be the safe choice for the establishment, but Madison’s radical tendencies may prove to be what the public needs right now.
With that, we move into the highly anticipated ‘women tell all’ portion of the episode. This part proves relatively boring — turns out these women don’t have much to say. Articulation, as we’ve seen, isn’t exactly their strong suit.
Kelsey comes out swinging, asking “so are we going to talk about who said I was emotionally unstable?” I have no doubt half the country thinks this girl is emotionally unstable, but Tammy owns up to it and the first fight of the night commences.
Kelsey says she “never admitted she was sober,” which is fair. Plausible deniability is always a good strategy.
Victoria P. is concerned about Kelsey’s pill-popping “from a medical standpoint,” to which Rachel says “from a medical standpoint? You’re a dermatologist.” Look, you don’t need a medical degree to see the chemical imbalance in Kelsey’s brain.
Unfortunately, the producers fuel the toxicity of our alcohol-obsessed society and award Kelsey with a giant champagne bottle. Something tells me Kelsey would rather go home with the bottle than Peter.
Tammy fires more shots at MyKenna, calling her fake and disingenuous. “Every time a camera was around, you’d spread your legs,” Tammy said.
Peter enters the chat and surprisingly, the girls have nothing bad to say about him. I could have given them a few talking points.
Victoria F. has the chance to sit down with Peter and in a chilling testament to their love, she says there’s no bad blood. In fact, she’s sorry she caused so much drama.
“Watching this, I’m like, ‘how is he dealing with me?”
I’ve been asking myself that question for 7 weeks.
Chris Harrison brings a former Bachelorette, Rachel, on the show to speak on bullying and online harassment. Rich coming from a show that promotes the use of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse in competition to win a man — excuse me — a boy.
Peter ends by thanking the girls for “just wanting me to be happy,” saying he is “committed to bettering himself” through this process.
This far into our journey, I know Peter better than he knows himself. Any possibility of him bettering himself went out the door as soon as the first limo door opened.
All there’s left to do is pray for our esteemed bachelor’s soul.
Will Peter leave the show engaged? Will Madison get her happy ending? Do I care? I’ll let you answer that.