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It’s fantasy suite week. And, oh, how sweet it is. 

With this week comes many promis­cuous con­no­ta­tions. Peter and the remaining girls have the chance to spend the night together. There’s an air of mystery around what happens behind closed doors. 

As Peter has his chance to go down under, so do we. We meet the bachelor in Gold Coast, Aus­tralia, and he’s never looked better. 

Peter is the spitting image of romance. As he frolics down the beach in a flamingo button up and khaki shorts, I can’t help but be jealous that I’m not the one running my fingers through his flowing comb over.

Luckily, he has three other girls to do that for him. 

Before the dates start, Madison voices some con­cerns to Peter. She tells him that if he chooses to be intimate with the other women, she will not feel com­fortable con­tinuing their rela­tionship. Under­standable, given that Peter has the oppor­tunity to sleep with three girls and six days later will choose his future wife.

It gives a new meaning to the “last night (week?) of freedom.”

Iron­i­cally, the three finalists, Hannah Ann, Vic­toria, and Madison, are all staying in the same house this week. Maybe viewings have gone down and the pro­ducers couldn’t splurge for sep­arate rooms, but my guess is that they know it’ll be drama, drama, drama. 

Things are tense, to say the least. Amidst the fake greetings and com­pli­ments like “wow you look SO skinny,” or “you look good enough to steal my man,” (kidding, they only thought that). Peter enters to pick up his first date.

Hannah Ann and Peter set out on a wild adventure. Well, wild in bachelor terms. They go to a beach and drink cham­pagne. It feels like we could have done this any­where, but at least the sunset in Aus­tralia is nice.

Hannah Ann is the only one who has said she’s in love with Peter and he eats it up. He’s obvi­ously infat­uated with her, so it’s no sur­prise that the two spend the night together (we’re still won­dering what they did). 

The next day, Peter sends Hannah Ann on her way and tidies up for the next girl. 

Vic­toria and Peter take a heli­copter ride to a waterfall. In case you forgot that Peter is a pilot, here he is, reminding you at every given moment. The pair guzzle cham­pagne and have a shallow con­ver­sation (I feel like we’ve been here before), where they address the problems they face in their rela­tionship. 

Peter says “I love every­thing about Vic­toria. Until it comes to com­mu­ni­cating.”

Semantics, Pete. As if com­mu­ni­cation is important in a rela­tionship. Although the pair acknowledge their faults in com­mu­ni­cation (again, not a big deal), they can’t deny their “obvious chem­istry.”

The two proceed to spend the night together (we’re still won­dering what they did) and like clockwork, Peter’s giving her the boot the next morning to get ready for his date with Madison.

Peter and Madison’s rela­tionship reaches new heights (and inevitable lows) this week. To start, the couple climb the tallest building in Gold Coast. Nothing makes you love a person quite like depending on them so you don’t fall 270 meters to your death. A rather good strategy on Peter’s part, I must admit. 

Madison con­fesses her love for Peter when they reach the top of the building, though at this point it’s unclear if she was saying it so they could climb down or because she meant it.

Regardless, the couple enters the evening drama-free and loved-up. Sound too good to be true? Good, because it is. 

Madison wants to know if Peter has been intimate with Hannah Ann and Vic­toria… and as someone who could be engaged in a week, I’d say she has the right to know. 

Much to Madison’s chagrin, Peter has been bla­tantly ignoring her con­cerns about his intimacy with the other women. Peter probably thought he could get away with it, but Madison puts him in his place. 

She has expec­ta­tions for the rela­tionship that Peter just isn’t meeting. In all fairness to Peter, if Madison didn’t want to date a man courting 30 other women, she probably should’ve tried church first.

Peter tells her he can’t lose her, he can see them together forever, but it’s too late. Peter put intimacy before her and Madison isn’t able to come to terms with it. She walks away and our bachelor is left crying in the club. 

I can’t speak to the legality of the issue, but I’m pretty sure every Bachelor is con­trac­tually obligated to sleep with the final three. At least, that’s what Peter tells himself so he can sleep at night when none of his women are with him. 

Thank­fully, you and I know better.