On September 26, 1944, The Collegian premiered yet another gossip column. But “Green Hat Gossip” didn’t just spread the campus tales. The author of this weekly piece was a jack of all trades, practicing investigative reporting, giving advice, and delivering some devastating insults.
“Green Hat Gossip” first and foremost focused on uncovering the most classified information at Hillsdale College. In the November 21, 1944 issue of The Collegian, “Green Hat Gossip” inquired, “We’ve often wondered how Guila Benner, who sleeps until 7:58, manages to get to an 8:00 class. Won’t you let us in on your secret, Guila?” But actually, Guila, we still want to know your confidential technique.
“Green Hat Gossip” was also an advice column. In the Oct. 10, 1944 issue of The Collegian, “Green Hat Gossip” offered some counsel to the Hillsdale dorm girls and a boy who seemed to frequent the premises quite often. “Davie, will you please run down town and get us fourteen Hamburgers and a quart of milk? Seems like our wonder-lad is errand boy for South Hall. Take it easy girls.” Petition to bring Davie back to Hillsdale: I don’t need any milk but I could sure go for some hamburgers.
“Seems s’if some mysterious, soft-voiced person has been calling Dave. Our advice is to put a guard chain on your frat pin, when you get it Dave,” “Green Hat Gossip” wrote in the Nov. 21, 1944 issue of The Collegian.
The authors of this column were not afraid to put people in their place.
“Iris, Queen of Mauck Hall, what makes you think you know all the answers?” the column asked in the Oct. 10, 1944 issue of The Collegian. Calm down, Green Hat. Iris didn’t choose the queen life, the queen life chose her.
On Dec. 5, 1944, “Green Hat Gossip” wrote, “Lost — Sense of humor and disposition — if found send to Rose Mary McQuade of South Hall.”
“Green Hat Gossip” could also keep its insults short and sweet: “Russ Rowe — Laziest man on campus.”
The author didn’t put much thought into that one-liner, making an ironic move to award a lazy insult to the laziest man on campus.