Ann McEl­hinney spoke at a past CCA on the ben­efits of fracking. (Anders Kiledal/Collegian)

Every year, Hillsdale College puts on four con­fer­ences that attract vis­itors and donors to campus by the hun­dreds. Stu­dents, on the other hand, are forced to attend one session of the Center for Con­structive Alter­na­tives during their time at Hillsdale, and the topics could be more inter­esting.

Here are some ideas that would pique student’s attention:

CCA I: Cats and Dogs: How pets played a role in founding the Con­ser­v­ative movement
A hands-on approach to pets and the role they play in gov­ernment, society, and the home.”

CCA II: Films of Quentin Tarantino
A foray into the violent yet playful cin­e­matic uni­verse of Quentin Tarantino. Those under 18 are strongly cau­tioned to not attend.”

CCA III: Car­toons and the Moral Devel­opment
“How Spongebob, Adventure Time and Rick and Morty tackle the question of the good, the true, and the beau­tiful.”

CCA IV: Dating, Rela­tion­ships, and Society: How to find hap­piness and pop­ulate the earth
A Hillsdale Student’s guide to basic rela­tion­ships and dating as well as prac­tical advice on having as many children as pos­sible after fig­uring it out. (Extra van parking will be pro­vided on West Street, to the right of Simpson Dor­mitory.)”

CCA V: The Art of Polite Con­ver­sation
The highest form of com­mu­ni­cation is that which is kind. This CCA will enlighten even the most arrogant stu­dents how to voice their ridiculous opinions with grace and kindness. Mandatory for stu­dents living in Simpson Dor­mitory.”

These are some of the many pos­si­bil­ities that will surely have stu­dents running to Phillips Audi­torium, and the list could go on forever.

CCA LXI: Ero­sions of the Student Mind: Seniorosis, Senioritis, and how to overcome them
A hard look into the dif­ferent states of unmo­ti­vating factors in student per­for­mance and effective methods to control them. Seniors are required to attend.”

CCA XCII: Boring Lec­tures, Open Bar
This con­ference will feature boring lec­tures from highly edu­cated people you’ve never heard of talking about some­thing you barely care about. The bar, on the other hand, is very exciting and acces­sible.”

CCA MMCII: Generic Politician Lineup Con­ference
Politi­cians talk a lot and do a lot less. Hear from some of the best talkers in America bloviate ‘til they’re blue as well as learn more about what makes them so long-winded.”