One of the more light-hearted parts of homecoming week at Hillsdale College is the annual wing-eating competition. Of all of the things that twenty-first century Americans could be offended about, you’d think this would be the last. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
Last week, senior Rose Schweizer wrote to The Collegian complaining about the wing-eating during Homecoming, saying “Eating contests do not promote school spirit but rather the spirit of gluttony. Hillsdale College purports to follow the tradition of Aristotle, who recommends moderation in all things. Where is the mediation as you devour 12 wings in three minutes?”
At Hillsdale, we worship the classics. What would Aristotle say about eating as many wings as you can in three minutes? What layer of Dante’s hell would participating in a wing-eating competition send you to?
Such moral posturing is comical. Rather than running every imaginable human activity through the Aristotle/Hillsdale litmus test, why not simply enjoy something that happens only once a year and gets plenty of people pumped up with pride and spirit for their dorm, fraternity, or sorority?
And if that’s not your thing, then no problem. No one is forcing anybody to attend. Plus, 12 wings in three minutes? Come on. I took care of 18 wings in less time than that. It was great having guys from Galloway Residence behind me, cheering me on as I used the best wing-eating techniques I unearthed from YouTube videos earlier that day.
For wings with two bones, you grip the end of both bones tightly in one hand and pull off all the meat in one bite. For wings with just one bone, you grip both ends of the bone with both hands, dig your teeth into the wing, and rotate it, chewing off all the meat in a matter of seconds.
Call me gluttonous. I call it fun and tasty.
Nathaniel Grime is a sophomore studying Rhetoric and Public Address.