In anticipation of the new Christ Chapel, Hillsdale College administrators said Thursday that they are looking for a dedicated student to serve as the full-time hunchback on the property.
“This chapel is going to be big, and it’s going to be beautiful,” Hillsdale College President Parry Larnn said in campus-wide email. “But it’s truly incomplete without a hunchback. We need a student who will be willing to live in solitude during their four years for the good of our school’s mission.”
The job listing, which was posted by Career Services on Handshake, describes the position as “Perfect for students who want to study in quiet without the distraction of society, friends, or sinners” as well as stating “it is not a paid position, by piety is truly priceless.”
Assistant Director of Career Services Jimmy Squint said he is floored at the number of applicants he has seen so far.
“When Larnn told me to put this out as a student-employment opportunity, I thought he was nuts,” Squint said. “Like, who in their right mind would want to sit in the spires of Christ’s Chapel for hours on end to ring bells endlessly for the delight of the donors and prospective students?”
But more than 600 students have applied for the position since Larnn’s email, the most in the history of on-campus employment. Sophomore applicant, Igor Beaver said it’s a chance to be involved in another on-campus activity and to be a living example of the campus’s mission.
“It’s a chance to give back, and to pay true homage to a school and donors who give us so much,” Beaver said. “I mean, yeah I’m taking 22 credits and I’m president of three clubs student fed recently approved, but this would look so good on my resume. Plus Larnn really inspired me to give back.”
But it appears that administrators don’t want to stop with just making the campus hunchback a quiet and secluded student job. Hillsdale Athletic Director Ron Studebaker said that the candidate will also serve as the new school mascot, a part of the marketing department’s new campaign to highlight the chapel’s impact on daily student life.
“Chargers just sounds so outdated,” Studebaker said. “I can just imagine it now, students filling the stands to give praise and prayer to the fighting ‘Hillsdale Hunchbacks.’ That just sounds right.”
Due to the number of applicants, Larnn suggested that Hillsdale Benefactor Del Tacco host another one of his famous challenges to weed out the number of applicants.
“They need to have a burning desire to serve as hunchback,” Tacco. “If you’re in the reflection season of your life, this is perfect.”
Ambitious students have been practicing for the role by scaling Central Hall in between classes and letting out menacing screams over the quad. But, sadly, they were drowned out by the sounds of cranes and jackhammers.