Friends and Lovers: A question for the Masters

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Friends and Lovers: A question for the Masters

 

Dear Kate,

I need some advice. I need some serious advice. I find myself in something of a pickle. I have these two friends. They’re both really great people but they have this crazy notion that they belong together. I disagree completely with this notion. I suppose my opinion shouldn’t matter, but honestly, this is the worst idea ever. How do I prevent it from happening?

Thanks,

Concerned Friend

 

Dear Concerned,

I’m afraid I don’t have any advice for you. This is largely due to the fact that only one thing concerns me right about now, which makes it very very difficult to care about your adolescent drama.

Today, something beautiful begins. This beauty involves majestic landscapes, calm music, and a competition unlike any other: the Masters. Some of you might be criticizing my lack of piety as you ask yourselves what kind of person could be so excited about the Masters in the middle of Holy Week. I simply reply that nothing allows you to celebrate Easter like watching golf’s greatest coming down the back nine on Sunday afternoon. That’s right, I’m talking about golf. I’m obsessed, and you should be too. If you can’t stand the actual sport, don’t worry, you’ll be swept away by the beauty of the greens and the lovely music. The melodic voices of the commentators will lull you into the best nap you’ve ever experienced. All of your cares will be swept from your mind, including crazy friends who should never ever date one another, or more importantly, the hundreds of pages you need to write before next Tuesday. At least watch a little on Sunday. I promise, you won’t regret it. It’s a tradition unlike any other.