Face it, ladies, if you’re looking for a “ring by spring” you don’t have much time.
As the semester dwindles, you must be even more efficient in your search for the perfect man. You don’t have time to go on countless dates to sift through the losers. You need to know immediately if a man is right for you.
That’s why, in your search for the perfect husband, you must look no further than his neckwear.
Stay clear of ascot-wearers — they’re generally pretentious or Freddy from Scooby Doo.
Bolo-tie wearers can be nice people but they’re usually from the country. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life milking cows, don’t bother dating one of these.
Avoid a clip-on wearer at all costs. Either his mother still dresses him or he hasn’t been shopping since middle school.
If his tie lights up or plays music, you are most likely dealing with a sociopath. Run.
There is nothing special about a regular necktie, which makes the men who wear them particularly difficult to judge. You must avoid them. You need to know, at a glance, if a man is marriage material, and regular neckties do not provide such information.
If you want a confident, intelligent, and successful man, only two words should matter to you:
Bow ties.
These fashion icons have indicated social refinement and good taste since the 18th century.
Today, they are beacons of hope for single women everywhere. As long as bow ties exist, there will be men to wear them — men who are worth marrying.
Bow ties mean intelligence. Professors are notorious for wearing them, but you can also see them on orchestral musicians, doctors, and Bill Nye the Science Guy.
Donʼt be fooled by their seemingly stodgy nature — bow ties gesture to a hidden sense of adventure. Professor Indiana Jones wears bow ties when in the classroom and he travels the world, living a life of excitement and intrigue.
You could join him.
Bow ties mean confidence. Few men wear bow ties, so those who do must be secure and self aware. Not only is this trait attractive, but it is also useful in the professional world. These men are taken seriously because they take themselves seriously.
Bow ties mean success. They have graced the necks of influential men from Winston Churchill to Orville Redenbacher. Choose a bow tie man and you won’t go wrong.
Don’t be discouraged if your bow tie beau is still in college. I’m sure youʼve heard the saying “dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” If your man is wearing a bow tie, you can bet he’s on track to become an influential member of society.
The trick is to find a guy who wears them regularly. Anyone can wear a bow tie to his high school prom, but only real men wear bow ties to class.
Finally, bow ties are attractive. There’s a reason why they have become the neckwear of choice for black-tie events and why James Bond so often wears one.
Worried that you’ll find the bow tie wearing man of your dreams and he won’t propose in time?
Never fear.
My fiancé wears bow ties, and I got my ring as a junior.